Copycat

When people say that kids are like sponges, they're not lying.  Brenna is at a really fun stage where she picks up on everything Chris or I do so quickly I don't even realize I've just done whatever it is she's now copying.  This is in some ways really fun because we can teach her funny tricks, but it's also pretty intimidating because we have to be extra careful with every move we make because there is no way she'll miss it. 

The other day, I put in my contacts while Brenna was brushing her teeth.  I rarely wear contacts anymore, so I'm pretty sure this was the first time she had ever watched me put them in, so she was totally focused on what I was doing.  One of the "toys" that is in her designated drawer in the bathroom is an extra contact case.  She usually loves to put the caps on and off the little spheres (yes, she can screw them on and off), but that morning after I finished putting in my contacts, she asked for her "play case" and did something totally different.  She turned on the water, filled up one side of the case and then dipped her finger in and touched it to her eyelids.  Now, whenever she finishes brushing her teeth she usually asks for her case and puts in her contacts.  This morning I tried to get a video of it but she got distracted by the radio in the background...

Big News!!

Nothing left to give

Last week I had one of those days that at the end of all you want is a glass of wine, a quiet room, and maybe a good cry.  These types of days don't happen often for me, but when they do, I'm a huge baby about it and get so snippy, feel sorry for myself, and usually take it out on my poor husband as soon as he walks in the door.  On this particular day we had planned to go for a family run when Chris got home from work, but when he got home the last thing I wanted to do was go for a run with Brenna.  So, when he asked if I was ready, I made some snarky comment and Chris suggested I just go by myself and he would take Brenna.  I decided to run with my iPod, which I very rarely do, but figured it might help me unwind.  With about a mile to go on my run, one of my favorite songs by Relient K started playing.  At first, I wasn't paying much attention to the lyrics, just singing them in my head from memory, but then it got to the chorus...

Yeah I'll give, give, give (until there's nothing else)
Give my all (until it all runs out)
Give, give (and I'll have no regrets)
I'll give until there's nothing left
I'll give

The words hit me like a ton of bricks and I literally stopped running and started crying right there on the sidewalk, with all the 5:00 traffic bustling by on the busy road.  

In the past when I've listened to this song, I've interpreted it to mean "I'll give my all to you, Lord." But on that run it was saying so much more to me about motherhood and the complete selflessness it requires.  Some days I really do feel like I have nothing left to give anymore, like everyone needs something from me, but there just isn't enough to go around.  My natural reaction is, obviously, sass and impatience.  But it shouldn't be, because when we are at the end of our rope and feel like we can't give anymore, that's when the Big Man upstairs will step in and give us a boost if we ask.  My problem is admitting that I need help, that I can't do it alone, that there really isn't enough of me to go around, but if I just accept some of His love, I can pass it right along to the people who need it from me.

After I pulled myself together and ignored looks from passing cars, I set the song on repeat and listened to it the rest of the way home.  

No one told me
The right way
The right way to go about this
So I'll figure it out for myself
'Cause how much is too much to give you?
Well I'll may never know
So I'll just give until there's nothing else

Yeah I'll give, give, give (until there's nothing else)
Give my all (until it all runs out)
Give, give (and I'll have no regrets)
I'll give until there's nothing left
I'll give

No one told me
How bad I need you (need you)
But I somehow arrived
To that conclusion all by myself (all by myself)
And I want
All you have to offer (to offer)
So I'll offer myself and I'll just give until there's nothing else

And I'll give, give, give (until there's nothing else)
Give my all (until it all runs out)

Give, give (and I'll have no regrets)
I'll give until there's nothing left to
Give, give, give (until there's nothing else)
Give my all (until it all runs out)
Give, give (and I'll have no regrets)
I'll give until there's nothing left

Sometimes it seems
Like all I ever do
Is ask for things
Until I ask too much of you
But that's not the way (that's not the way)
I wanna live (I wanna live)
I need to change (I need to change)
But something's got to give
Yeah something's got to

Give, give, give (until there's nothing else)
Give my all (until it all runs out)
Give, give (and I'll have no regrets)
I'll give until there's nothing left to give
Give, give, give (until there's nothing else)
Give my all (until it all runs out)
Give, give
Give until there's nothing left
I'll give

Friday Photo Favorites

Brenna is SO busy!  Her toys only entertain her for a short time now because she would rather be exploring every nook and cranny of the apartment.  It seems like every day I have to create some new barrier or way to keep her out of trouble.  At first I was totally disgusted and horrified at the thought of her playing with the shoes on the shoe rack, but after about a week of fighting it, I figured there were worse things to play with.  I'll let her have that one...

Here are a few photos that display her curiosity quite well.

 

 

 

From the tupperware cabinet to the shoe rack...every day.

Fathers

They say that a girl is likely to marry a man who is similar to her father.  I would say that this is true in my case, and it is becoming more and more evident as I see Christopher interact with his baby girl.  The way he looks at her with so much love is the way I've seen my daddy look at me.  The way I can see his pain when she is in pain - I've seen that in my daddy's eyes when I've been hurt.  When she does something for the first time and Chris is so proud, my daddy has looked at me with the same pride on his face.  And when I can't handle Brenna's crying for one more second, Chris patiently rocks and calms her.  I've been the crying, fit-throwing girl, who my mom I'm sure couldn't stand, but my dad came in and patiently calmed me down. 

My dad and I have always had a special bond - not just because I'm his only daughter, but because we understand each other and we speak the same love languages; words of affirmation and quality time.  It's so easy for me to feel loved by my daddy because he loves me exactly how I need to be.  I can see this bond forming between Brenna and Chris.  We can tell already that one of Brenna's love languages is touch...guess which love language is Chris' primary?  Yep, touch.

Being a mother changes everything, obviously, and one thing that has changed for me is my perspective.  I appreciate so much more about my childhood now that I have the responsibility to try to create that same opportunity for my child.  But, having an earthly father who, in so many ways, reflects our Heavenly Father is never a bad start.  I'm so beyond happy to know that my baby girl will grow up having such a loving, caring, patient, fun, level-headed daddy just the way I did.  I know that Christopher will be her constant.  He will be able to reach her when I cannot.  She will confide in him when she's mad at me.  She'll hear his cheer above everyone else.  He will be the first man that she falls in love with.  His hugs will be more special than any other hugs...until she marries a man like her daddy.  And when she has a baby of her own, she'll really understand how much her daddy loves her and how stinkin' awesome he is.

I love you, Dad.  I love you, Chris.  You're two really stellar dads.

Monday Mowers

Monday is the day that the mower men come to the apartment.  For a long time I had to hold Brenna and stand by the sliding door to watch, otherwise she would get scared of the loud noise.  But, last week (I think) we had a bit of a break through - she crawled over to the window where the sun was shining in, and put her head down to watch.  This was the best picture I could get because she kept looking up when she saw me, but she laid like this for almost the entire time the mower men were working.

I'm glad that she has overcome her fear of the mower men because she's stinkin' cute when she watches them.  Now we just have to work on her fear of the vacuum :)

5 Month Update

Today I'm writing an update on Brenna Bean because 1) I've done a terrible job blogging lately and 2) she's 5 months old today and changing so quickly that I need to tell someone!

Since we've switched to a formula-exclusive diet, Brenna has made a complete turn around in her demeanor - she is soooo much happier!  Literally, the day we switched her tummy and gas problems disappeared and she began sleeping better.  She is now such a content, happy baby.

The last few weeks she has made so many strides in her development.  She now rolls both ways, sits up with some support, smiles all the time, laughs, and sings and squeals constantly.  She's gotten so much better with her hands, grabbing her toys and turning them around, switching hands, and really exploring all the different parts.  And, she's found her feet!  We're convinced that she will be crawling very soon because she rolls to her tummy and gets her knees and feet up under her and pushes...she just needs to figure out the arms.  Also, I think she's started to teethe - still can't see or feel the teeth coming in but all signs point to teething.

Since it's been crazy warm in MI lately, we've been going on walks a lot and Brenna LOVES being outside.  If we try to give her something to play with in the stroller, she just looks at us like we're crazy and goes back to watching the trees and cars.

She's such a little joy and her smile lights up my day every singe time!

Yesterday we left her on her blanket and when we came back she was across the room!  I guess we're going to have to start baby-proofing our house now...

Friday Photo Favorites

Playing Zelda with Daddy.

FYI: She would watch him play for hours if I allowed it.

Sweet, Sweet Laughter

Brenna Jean has figured out that she has a voice this week!  We woke up to her making noises to her self at 4 AM  a couple days ago.  She even laughed for the first time tonight and we got it on video!!  She's growing and changing every day and we're trying to truly appreciate every stage.

If you haven't heard the news...

...I must not have yelled loud enough - I passed the CPA exam!  I found out December 7th that I passed the last section.  It has been a year and a half in the making and it is still hard to say it is worth it at the moment, but talk to me once I get that plaque hanging up at work (and once I get the first paycheck after I get a raise).  As happy as I am to have completed the exam, I think that Ruth may be happier to get her hubby back.  Thank you to everyone who put up with me being so lame for the past 1.5 years, I promise that I will be much more interesting from now on.

On another note, Brenna Jean had an appointment today for her first round of immunizations among other things.  She now weighs 10 lbs. 3oz. (33rd percentile), is 22.5 inches (47th percentile) and is in the 57th percentile for head size.  Ruth said that she thought Brenna was going to pop a vessel crying so hard after her shots :(

After dinner tonight, Brenna woke up wailing in pain and it was gut-wrenching.  It was the closest  I have come to crying since holding her for the first time.  For whatever reason, I think it really sunk in that I am her only father and that it is my job to love her and comfort her.  Her pain in that moment dwarfed the so-called pain that I endured while studying for the last 1.5 years.  Becoming a CPA is a great accomplishment and will help achieve greater things in my career but it pales in comparison to my real job - Brenna's Daddy.  Funny how some tiny tears puts things in perspective.
 

Sleeping Beauty

As most newborns do, Brenna sleeps...a lot.  We have a lot of pictures of her snoozing, mostly because it's not very often that she's awake.  But, we've gathered quite a collection of pictures of Brenna napping on Daddy. 

As of late, Brenna has found a position that she finds more comfortable.  Whether in her bassinet, on our laps, in our arms, or on the couch, she squirms her way into this cockeyed position.  We'll move her head to be straight but she'll just grunt and move right back.  Last night we got quite a kick out of moving her and watching her wriggle her way back.  She just melts my heart :)

 

Brenna's Birthday

I can’t believe that just over three weeks ago I was lying in a hospital bed, wondering if we would have a baby by the end of the day.  I started writing about Brenna’s Birthday exactly one week after she was born, but couldn’t finish because I kept crying.  I’ve come back to it a few times and I still get choked up when I think about it in detail, but I’ve finally finished writing everything down.  Looking back, I realize just how stressful of a day it was and how easily it could have turned into a panic stricken, world-turned-upside-down day.  But it didn’t. 

At about 6:30 on Wednesday morning I woke up and thought, “I’m leaking something” and went to the bathroom to find my shorts soaked in blood.  I was strangely calm and called for Chris.  We quickly changed our clothes, brushed our teeth, and were off to the hospital. 

The first couple of hours were full of activity, doctors and nurses checking me, asking long series of questions, taking blood samples, and monitoring Brenna.  When we found out that Brenna was okay, we instantly relaxed a little bit and settled in when they said I wouldn’t be going anywhere soon.  After four pokes and two nurses’ attempts (one from the IV team), I got an IV and they started me on fluids.  An ultrasound was ordered to see if they could find the source of the bleeding.  It was also at this point that I was told that I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything because there was a chance that I would be taken in for an emergency cesarean and I couldn’t have anything in my stomach if they had to put me under anesthesia.  At 8:30 this didn’t seem like too big of a deal, but it ended up being one of the hardest parts of the day.

Just before 11:00 we were moved into a more “comfortable” room in labor and delivery.  I know it was just before 11:00 because we were excited to have not missed The Price Is Right.  Poor Chris hadn’t eaten anything all morning either, so he was finally able to order some breakfast.  Then, the long wait started.  I was hooked up to an IV in my right hand, my left hand had a blood oxygen monitor, there were two bands strapped around my stomach – one monitoring Brenna’s heart and one monitoring my contractions, and I had these electric pressure cuff things on both of my calves to help with circulation since I was confined to my bed.  So, literally my whole body was attached to some kind of machine.  I tried not to think about how uncomfortable I was, but after about 8 or 9 hours of not eating or drinking, being hooked up to everything and lying on my back for the majority of the time, I got pretty cranky and irritable.  We were just waiting.  For a while we didn’t even know what we were waiting for.  Just waiting and being hungry.  Sometime during the afternoon we found out that I wasn’t going to be released unless my contractions stopped, which I didn’t really even know I was having.  The doctor said that my uterus was reacting to blood in the amniotic fluid so that was why it was so active.  Now we were waiting for either my contractions to stop or for something else to happen that would mean c-section right away.  That meant still no food or water. 

Because I had been lying on my back most of the day, I was trying to change positions to get more comfortable, which proved quite difficult with all the wires and tubes attached, but a couple of times I did get more comfortable only to have the nurse come in and say that I needed to move because Brenna’s heart rate had dropped with me sitting that way.  So, around 6:30 I was lying on my side, having Chris give me a back rub when I felt a pop/snap low in my abdomen and sharp pains followed almost immediately.  Shortly after, the day nurse came in with the nurse taking over for the night shift to do a run-down of everything that had happened.  They were discussing my case while I was trying to explain that something had happened and would they please check to see if I was bleeding.  In came the resident doctor from the day and the resident doctor taking over the next shift.  Again, I said something had happened and the night-shift resident took one look and said my water had broken and the fluid was full of blood.

It was about 7:00 when the doctor saw that my water had broken and made the call to do a c-section right away.  At pretty much that exact moment, Mom and Dad arrived from Shepherd and walked into the room while about six doctors and nurses started preparing Chris and I for surgery.  It was a complete whirlwind – the resident doctor explained all the risks of the operation and I had to sign consent forms for things I don’t even remember, Chris was getting dressed in scrubs, the other nurses were literally running in and out of the room, and I started crying.  It was just everything, all at once – I was starving, thirsty, exhausted, having strong contractions, signing papers with shaking hands, looking at my mom who just walked in and Chris who they had swept away to get ready and then they took me to the operating room leaving everyone else behind.  If it wasn’t for one fantastic nurse and the resident doctor I would have probably been a complete wreck, but while everyone else scrambled to get ready, they held my hand and rubbed my back, explaining what everyone was doing in such a calm manner.  My body was shaking so badly and they stayed with me, literally supporting me while I got the epidural and let go only after Chris was allowed to come in.  I believe that those two women are truly living their vocation – they were such a comfort to me in that time when I could have completely lost it without Chris.

At 7:29 Brenna was born and we heard her little cry.  We couldn’t see her, but hearing her was comforting.  Before she was taken to the nursery we got to see her briefly and give her kisses, but I was still being stitched up and neither of us could hold her.  After the operation I was taken to a room where I had to stay for an hour but Chris was able to go to the nursery to see our new baby girl.  By that time the Leikerts had all arrived and everyone took a turn staying with me in the post-op room, showing me pictures of Brenna. 

I didn’t get to see Brenna until about 10:30 that night and just before I was taken to the nursery, I was given a medication to counteract the unbelievable itching caused by the painkiller given after the surgery.  So, the first time I was really able to see my daughter, I was loopy and falling asleep.  We still couldn’t hold her because she was so sensitive to touch and when we did put our hands on her little body she would recoil instantly.  But, we were so happy that she was healthy and needed no assistance other than a heat lamp that nothing else really mattered.  Like I said, I was loopy and falling asleep and when I started feeling woozy I asked to go back to my room and almost immediately threw up when I got there.

The next morning I was able to eat – thank the Lord.  I was in little to no pain and I didn’t really feel like I just had a baby.  I knew in my mind that I had a daughter who was just down the hall, but I didn’t feel like a mother.  I was so jealous that Chris was able to see Brenna whenever he wanted.  Finally, at about noon – almost 18 hours after she was born – I was allowed to go to the nursery to hold her for the first time. 

She was so tiny and soft, holding her skin to skin.  After a minute I started talking to her and as soon as I did, she jerked her head off my chest and looked, wide-eyed, straight at my face.  She did this three times as I cried and said her name and told her I loved her over and over.  When she looked at me like that, I knew she knew who I was and I felt like she had been waiting to see me just like I had been dying to see her.  I will never forget that and the way it made me feel after such a long, stressful process to finally meet my beautiful baby girl. 

Brenna is such a blessing and brings so much joy and purpose to my life, and I feel confident saying she does the same for Chris.  The way she was born was not at all what we had planned, but hey, we got to meet her 4 weeks and 4 days earlier than we thought.  Someone made the comment to me, regarding the whole experience, that I was a brave woman.  I’ll take the compliment, but I don’t know that I had any other option and that Chris would have allowed anything different, for that matter.  Either way, I’m so thankful for my amazing husband who kept me so calm by showing me no sign of his worry, and for the great nurses and doctors who took care of us.  God had a brilliant plan, even if he didn’t clue us in.

One of my favorites from the first few hours after her birth, holding PaPa's finger.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

When Mom came to stay with us, she brought a photo album from when I was born...and we settled the debate of who Brenna looks like.

It's unreal looking at myself as an infant and looking at my daughter and seeing such similar features...

 

I just thought this one was cute :)

Brenna Jean Leikert

Our blessing arrived at 7:29 PM on October 19th! She was 6 lbs. 5 oz. and 18.5 inches, a pretty good size for staying in Ruth's "hot tub" for only 35 weeks. The last 5 days have been such a whirlwind physically and emotionally. Wednesday was a very anxious day because of the two extremes that the doctors presented: It was possible that Ruth could have an emergency C-section or we could end up just going home. Even though Ruth ended up having a C-section, everything turned out so well. I continue to be impressed by how tough Ruth is, so much has happened these last 5 days that she could have totally freaked but she has been amazing. I think Brenna has taken after her mother in this respect, she is well above average in terms of her health after only cookin' for 35 weeks. It is tough to put into words at this point exactly what we have experienced since Brenna joined us, maybe that will become clearer in the next couple of weeks but I know three things:

1) My wife is is absolutely amazing.
2) Holding Brenna is indescribable.
3) Our family is so generous and loving, we could not have done this without them.

In the meantime, here are some pictures from today. Go ahead, try not to smile when you see this little miracle!

She likes to be held to fall asleep

Brenna, ladies don't pick their noses!

Ruth & Brenna napping



Well hello Brenna Bean



Her first "bath" at home


We will try to keep the pictures coming the next couple of weeks!

Sugar and spice and all things nice

That's right, baby Leikert is A GIRL!!  We had the ultrasound this morning and it was so cool to see our little girl!  The tech. said that she was measuring a few days further along than we originally thought.  She weighs 14 ounces and we got to see her heart, brain, arms, legs, stomach, bladder, kidneys, spine, and face.  Here are some of the pictures...

The little arrow at the top right of the picture shows that she's a she!

Her head is on the right and body on the left.  The bubble is the umbilical cord.

And her sweet little face! 

She was throwing punches throughout the ultrasound so I know she's my kind of girl!  Get ready Colette, your best friend is on her way! 

Baby Leikert

So, as promised, I'm doing a baby update post!  Nothing too exciting to share (like ultrasounds photos or the sex), but after getting a number of posts of FB and a few emails I broke down and took a picture of my baby bump.  This picture was taken last Friday when I was 17 weeks and 5 days.  I'm now 18 week and 2 days and I feel  bigger than I look in the picture.  It feels like I get bigger each day and it also seems like something else aches every day (this scares me a little because I'm still in the 2nd trimester and that's when pregnant ladies are supposed to be the most comfortable...I can't wait to see what all hurts when I'm 8 months along!).  The first 12 weeks or so were pretty rough as far as nausea and morning sickness goes, but after that things got a lot better.  I lost about 7 pounds during the first trimester and I'm now 3 pounds heavier than where I started and the doctor seemed pleased with this progression.  I'm eating fairly normally now.  I have to eat smaller portions more frequently because I seem to get full quickly, then hungry again shortly after.  Aside from my feet/ankles swelling and hurting and my hips/back aching, I'm feeling really good.

We had a pretty huge milestone on Father's Day - I felt our little nugget move!  I'm sure that I had felt it before, but didn't realize what it was.  On Sunday night, though, we were watching a movie and I was still enough and aware enough to know what I was feeling.  It was really awesome for me - I just can't wait until Chris can feel it, too. Since Sunday, I've felt the little guy or gal squirming every day at least once.

Our baby is now about 5-5 1/2 inches from crown to rump (I love the measurement terms :)) and weighs a little over 5 ounces.  Chris and I love reading about the development each week!  On July 7th I'm scheduled to receive my first ultrasound and we are planning to find out the sex of our baby and if there really is only one in there :).  I'm sure there will be a post about that once we know!  I'm still crossing my fingers for twins, if not this time, then sometime down the road.  You all know me and how I love deals...I see twins as not only awesome, but a bargain - two babies and only one pregnancy!

That's all for now.  We'll keep everyone updated after the 7th!  Until then, Chris is running a race on Saturday and studying his booty off.  I'm getting settled into my new job at Gazelle and really enjoying it.  Oh, and we moved.  That was made possible by our fantastic families who did most of the grunt work while I pointed and made the food.  Our new place is so much better than the last...maybe that will be the next post...