Little Accomplishments

Chris and I like to run.  Ground breaking news, I know.  But, Chris actually does it.  He has run almost every day since his last exam even though he's been working 55-60 hours a week.  Me?  Well, I haven't really run in almost two years.  Yeah sure, there have been the injuries and the therapy (or lack thereof) for me to blame it on, but in reality, I haven't run because I've been afraid.  Afraid of being miserably out of shape, afraid of my injuries being a constant nag, afraid of the hard work needed to get in good shape again, afraid of getting in really good shape again then getting hurt...again.  The thought of channeling my love of running into coaching has been my crutch, my justification to take the easy way out, the lazy way out.  Don't get me wrong, I love coaching and I wholeheartedly plan to continue coaching, but I'm pretty sure it's not going to be enough.  Not enough to satisfy my competitiveness, or to calm my antsy legs, or to drop the *ahhem* pounds that have snuck their way onto my body.

It's strange, this game I've been playing with myself.  There have been times when my longing has been so great to be fast again, to feel the readiness in my muscles and the ease at which my stride would come.  So powerful that I'll make these grand plans to start again.  Sometimes I'll run one day, maybe two or three days, then just stop.  Make up some reason why it's OK or why it's better for me to not be running.  Then another couple months will pass and I won't even think about running.  It's hard to believe how easy it has been for me to not even think about myself running for so long, when before I couldn't go a few hours without thinking about my run that day.  Hard to believe and sad, really.

I don't think I ever lost my love for running, I just lost my...motivation? strength? emotional stamina? pride? I'm not really sure what it was that I lost, but I definitely lost something, or maybe just forgot something, but for a while, fear took it's place.  

So, to scare the fear out of me, two weeks ago I signed myself (and Chris) up for the Irish Jig 5k that will be taking place on March 19th.  Currently, the furthest I've run is 1.5 miles.  I didn't run at all last week because I got really sick, but this week is going well.  I feel good.  Yesterday I was talking with a friend about running and my upcoming race and how the competitive spirit one gains from running doesn't just go away.  Mine might have taken a little vacation, but I think it's back now.  I said to Erin that when we run, even if nothing else has gone right, we accomplish something that day.  As soon as that came out of my mouth I realized that it was true, and I felt this huge wave of achievement and excitement and motivation come crashing over me.  It was the strangest thing.  I felt like crying because I felt that I had just been reconnected with an old friend.  

This video is a speech that I gave in one of my classes last year.  Watching it makes me think of everything that I love about running (also makes me cringe at the mistakes I made while giving it, ugg).

 

Hopefully I won't get scared again - or roll an ankle - because I really want to put in the work now.  Obviously it won't be easy, but I've done it before, so I can do it again.  My only goal for my first race in over two years is to finish in under 8-minute pace and have fun.  Because I love running.  And I love the feeling of accomplishing something, even as little as a 1.5 mile run.  Plus, someone has to start bringing home some prize money since Chris has only contributed a couple boxes of plaques, a butter dish, two bowls, and a beer glass!